Three years ago my daughter, Chandler, wrote a poem for her 8th grade English class.
Now–here we are–three years later. And I find myself shaking my head because not only has nothing changed since she wrote her poem, I’d argue things seem to be getting worse. Here’s the poem–she was 14 when she wrote it. Fourteen.
Make a change, be the change
Punching, Slapping, Shooting, Strangling, Killing;
Actions that take part in relationship violence;
Day by day, Around the world, are girls,
Victims, Abused by their lovers; Their “soul mates”;
Minute by minute, Innocent women
Dying, Suffering, Crying; Shredded to pieces,
Left scattered in the wind;
Feeling shame and humiliation, Nowhere to turn to;
No one to tell, Just lost in the unknown.
The bells, bells, bells; Bringing happiness to all,
But one; The woman, the object to power for him;
No smile, Just pale and melancholy;
Against her will, Not able to choose,
No one makes the decision, but Him;
He is the Male, The controller of the house;
The Alpha; He is her Father.
Innocence being robbed, From her very body;
Blood gushing, Split apart, Sold, Lost, Cold,
Scared, Taken. From a child to a tool,
She is traded for pleasure, For lust, For money;
Childhood ripped from her tiny, shaky hands,
She is not a virgin anymore; She is a prostitute,
A target, for human trafficking.
Here I am, At home, Safe with my family,
Family who care, about me;
What about the girls my age across the globe?
My sisters, Not by blood, But by gender;
Why can’t they have the opportunities I do?
Why do we have to live in a world full of hate and discrimination?
Why can’t we have the same respect Men do?
Why, why, why?
We, The givers of life, Are disregarded,
Disrespected, And discriminated against;
I call upon the good men around the world;
I call upon the strong women throughout the world;
Link arms everybody! -Make a change, -Be the change.
I ask myself…what sort of world have we created for our children to inherit?
Take advertising, look at the way women are portrayed. I made this film a few years ago too. Watch it and ask yourself, what do these pictures say about how our culture values women?
Today, we can’t turn on the news without hearing about Bill Cosby, alleged serial rapist, a man who stole the hearts of the American people while secretly robbing young women of their right to emotional and physical safety.
A while back a woman I respect was in the news after being terrorized for speaking out about women in gaming.
Then there’s the swift public unraveling of “asshole” culture and Uber that began with an outspoken journalists decision to delete her Uber app for a number of issues, in particular, the company’s flagrant disregard for the safety of its female drivers and passengers. Her experiences and observations only further expose the fall from civility that exists in this country.
Remember my daughter’s words:
We, The givers of life, Are disregarded,
Disrespected, And discriminated against;
I call upon the good men around the world;
I call upon the strong women throughout the world;
Link arms everybody! -Make a change,-Be the change.
What’s wrong with this picture? And where do we go from here?
Wow, your daughter showed a great awareness of the world around her by age 14. She’s smart and has a lot of empathy. All my best to her. And may we all advocate for more peaceful practices.
Thank you, Karen. Yes, she has learned a lot. She now occasionally speaks with me when I facilitate healthy relationship awareness classes. I appreciate your warm remark.
Wow, your daughter is very insightful for such a young girl. She has great things ahead of her. We need more young ladies with her mind set.
Thank you for saying so, Mary. It’s hard not to be exposed to the cruelty that exists when your mother does advocacy work. And I agree, it is wonderful to see young women take a stand and use their voice.
What an amazing child. I’m sorry our society has let her down, that the world has let her down. I am not sure where we are going, either. I’m sorry.
It’s tough, isn’t it? The good news is we can teach our children to speak up and out. Thank you for your kind words.
Such a wise daughter. My hope is that there are many other young women out there who are as wise and determined to have a better world, that they will band together and see their dream come true. Cheers to her for seeing what many don’t. Cheers to the difference she can make. I hope.
I love your vision! Thank you for this Lisa, cheers indeed.
I shudder to think that we’re not going to be able to leave a better world for our children. As for your daughter, the apple does not fall far from the tree in her use of language. She can choose to use her words to wield power in her world. Kudos to her.
Thank you, Cathy. Yes, I agree, she can if she chooses. She certainly has the guts to use her voice it is my hope that it will stay with her always. I appreciate your nice comment.
Your daughter proves what I already know…our future is with the young men and women, and they are spectacular. Now we have to support them, and learn from them. And this is a messy world, isn’t it?
How right you are, it is messy. Messy beautiful and Messy, messy all at the same time. And I agree, the younger ones surely are spectacular.
It’s amazing that so many generations of girls have had to write similar words. I always have hope, though, when I read wise, compassionate words from teenagers like Chandler.
Hope is for sure vital. You also raise an excellent point, so many generations…
I hope for a world where people like Chandler, exactly like Chandler, call the shots, make the rules, redefine how we treat each other, and leave the world better than we left it for them. We need to all be part of the solution…. I love your daughter’s words and her drive to be the change we need right now.
Thank you Ruth. I am constantly amazed by the younger generation, they are so smart and many of them are also willing to contribute. We do need to be part of the solution, I so agree.
First of all, I cannot believe that an 8th grader wrote this powerful piece. She is one talented kid. Kudos to you for raising this young woman!
Where do we go from here? I don’t know. I think the change in the world must begin with educating boys in the same way that we educate girls. This idea that “boys will be boys” is bullshit — they know it as well as their female counterparts do.
Globally, well that’s another issue altogether, isn’t it? Still, I would like to think that a culture of respect must be instilled in everyone. I don’t know. One would think that something this simple — respecting women — would be just that, simple. It’s anything but.
We can all sit around pointing fingers, but Americans are just as bad (if not worse) than everyone else in the world regarding this. The images that you show in your video prove that.
I fear for the world that our children are growing up in. I really do. I would love to “be the change” — I’ll bet they would, too. How, though? That is the big question. Maybe they’ll crack it — we certainly didn’t.
Thank you, Jackie, I absolutely agree that we do need to raise boys differently. Many of us have and I feel that isa big step in the right direction.
As for my daughter, she has been raised around a lot of advocacy, it has a way of taking root. Now in high school she has actually helped me by speaking at some of the events I present at, so fun to watch her growth.
I so agree that it is crazy to think that having respect for women–or any living thing–should not be so difficult. To think of young women like Malala Yousafzai? No words….
I think our kids already are making a difference. They are so accepting, or that is what I see here in SD. They don’t just adopt their parents belief systems, they seem far more vested in carving out there own — and that — has the ability to shape change. Thanks so much for your detailed response Jackie. 🙂
Young women like your daughter give me hope that they will make their world a better place than the one we left them.
I love that she calls on men and women to be the change. More and more men are calling out abusers and I think that will eventually make a difference.
Thank you, Doreen. I agree, having men actively engaged and speaking out and up is an enormous step in the right direction.
What an incredible daughter! If only things could change.
Truly remarkable for a child that age to have such awareness. It’s a gift…yet sometimes too much awareness hurts so much, doesn’t it?